18 years

Tomorrow marks 18 years with, 18 years without.

I’ve always dreaded this year.  The year that would mark my mom being gone as long as she was in my life.  18 years.  An entire adulthood without a mom.

Her memory may grow fuzzy but the gaping hole left in my heart from her absence ceases to disappear.

No mom to help me pick out a wedding dress, no mom to be there in the early days of motherhood so I could shower, no mom to call when I need advice, or to lament on a kid’s difficult behavior.

But, I was blessed with 18 wonderful years with an amazing mom.  What a gift.

I leave you with a poem I wrote years ago, “The Paradox of Sorrow”

Often I think on
If Time had dealt
a different hand,
A life in which
My mother still stands.
But then I ponder
That with her breath,
My story would be
Unfamiliar,
Unknown to me.