journal

  • journal,  life,  photos

    Transformation

    The other day I saw the first butterfly of the year fluttering outside the kitchen window.  I smiled with thankfulness for this season of renewal, joy filled me and I heard God say, “Verily, verily I tell you, the Kingdom of God is like a butterfly: enter and be transformed!”

  • journal,  life together,  thoughts

    The fire ring

    I walked out in the arctic air to dump the compost and stopped at the beauty of the setting sun on our fire ring. I was reminded of the hot fall evening we spent with friends around that fire, roasting hot dogs and shooting cans with BB guns. Much has changed since that not long ago evening. There have been new relationships formed as well as old ones broken, miracles and healing witnessed, death and tragedy lived through, hearts made whole, fears squashed. This, all of this together, is the holy work of living life together with others. There is absolutely nothing like it, surely evidence of His kingdom coming here…

  • journal

    Twelve/Twelve

    Sol is sprawled out sleeping at the top of the stairs like a dog. He’s going through a phase where he doesn’t want to lay down in his bed, or do anything I ask of him, so he pouts at the top of the stairs until he passes out. Sometimes he dumps laundry on the floor, uses the hamper as a step stool and covers himself in deodorant from atop my dresser. He’s quite the booger and is really good at pushing buttons, but his sweet grin and dimples wins me over every time. ———————— It’s the end of the year and I’ve been reflecting a bit on the fact…

  • journal

    Black Friday

    I wrote a couple of rants about Black Friday this morning and quickly deleted them all because I sounded like a jerk. Finally I asked God what he wanted me to write about Black Friday and I heard “nothing.” To those that choose to get up early and enjoy this time shopping with family, God blesses and loves you. To those that choose to buy nothing today, God blesses and loves you. That’s it. God loves us.

  • journal,  life,  photos

    Photo dump

    Yesterday and today were shitty days. As the days wore on it felt like one rock after another was piled onto my back until I was slumped over and sad. But! The story gets better, it gets better because I have friends who at the drop of my hat will pray for me and my shitty day. And not just say they will pray, but literally stop working and pray to God for my life, and then take the time to send me eight minute long voxes with words that the Spirit gave them through prayer. I am so blessed. Then I spent time looking through pictures from the last…

  • journal

    A prayer for despair.

    Take your right hand and make a first. Now take your left hand and make a fist. Crash your knuckles into each other, opening your palms as your hands spread away from each other. This is the spirit world. Every day, every minute, every second. Good and evil are clashing, brawling and fighting for territory on earth. When bad things happen, it looks like evil is winning. Everyone talks about the evil, thinks about the evil and fears the evil. “How can we fight the evil?” we ask. “What can we do to make this better?” But dear friends, we alone are not capable of this fight. We will crumple…

  • journal,  life

    Backs and Babies

    I just started putting the baby on my back. I celebrate this milestone that allows me to bend over again. A baby on the back reminds me of the first summer here in this spacious place, carting Sol around while we learned to tend animals. It’s hard to believe we’ve cared for two babies in this place now, but not harder than believing I have four children. Others have shared a similar sentiment and the surprise over how my life has turned out is often written in the fine lines of a friend’s face. I don’t blame them, this wild, free, chaotic life is not something I could have imagined.…

  • journal,  life,  thoughts

    Dreaming.

    I wanted to eat at The Bridge for lunch today. A wave of heavy grief rolled in. Sadness that it’s over, relief that it’s over. Over the past year I’ve slowly shed parts of my former life. I told myself that homesteading wasn’t important, that vacations weren’t for us, that sewing and the creative life aren’t necessary.  We had to be able to do The Bridge with all our hearts. But, I am beginning to realize some of these things are important, and are us. The values of tending the land and of creating new things are integral for our family and community. It has left me picking up the pieces…

  • journal,  life,  thoughts

    Cleanliness.

    A couple of summers ago I sat outdoors, nursing a baby at The Wilds, while my family puttered around the gift shop. A middle-aged woman at the table next to me engaged in discussion with a younger couple, probably her children, about how another woman kept house. “She doesn’t even keep her stove clean.  I clean my stove every time I use it, I deep clean each burner every week, you know, that’s what you’ve gotta do to keep it clean.  I just don’t know what to do with her.”  On and on this lady described the shortcomings of another’s housekeeping and how angry that made her. How, with an…

  • journal,  social media,  thoughts

    Love, self-awareness & Craigslist.

    The other night while lying next to Brad I remembered one of my first moments of self-awareness.  I recall playing in the field near our crick (hello, I’m Appalachian and a crick is a small creek) thinking about how I could have been born anything, a frog or a butterfly perhaps, but I was born a human.  Not only that but I was born a specific human to a specific family with a specific set of emotions, feelings and interests. This is a little mind blowing as a kid, but also interesting to think about the possibilities.  What if I had been born a frog?  What if I had been…