Today was mundane.  It started off with some rotten kid attitudes and actions, which we eventually worked past. God has healed me of much anger and rage in my parenting.  Disobedience and messes used to make me so mad that I would just pop, and then spend the rest of the day feeling awful about it.  Less and less do I have episodes like that, and God has given me the grace to generally stay calm until whichever kid experiencing big emotions is calm enough to talk. But keeping that peace is no active task.  It takes a ton of energy out of me, and I felt fairly depleted by…

Tomorrow marks 18 years with, 18 years without. I’ve always dreaded this year.  The year that would mark my mom being gone as long as she was in my life.  18 years.  An entire adulthood without a mom. Her memory may grow fuzzy but the gaping hole left in my heart from her absence ceases to disappear. No mom to help me pick out a wedding dress, no mom to be there in the early days of motherhood so I could shower, no mom to call when I need advice, or to lament on a kid’s difficult behavior. But, I was blessed with 18 wonderful years with an amazing mom. …

This morning the kids convinced me to go out for Halloween costume supplies.   Just the other day I had to take them all to Walmart to return something and pick up a few things and was reminded once again why I like to either go alone or take only a portion. The 45 minutes spent in Walmart consisted of me saying “No” to the requests that came every two seconds for stuff.  By the end of it I’m sure I looked and sounded as haggard as I felt inside.  I always hope at least our chaos makes some old folks chuckle in remembrance of their busy and tired days with young…

Yesterday I picked loads of peppers, knowing it will likely be the last time I do so this season.  I chopped them up and put them in bags so we can use them in dinners throughout the winter.  I never put enough up to actually sustain us through the season, but it’s always such a treat pulling out something that we grew and eating it for dinner. Today I am continuing to work on putting the gardens to bed for the winter.  I need to pull out the brown tomato plants and perhaps plant some spinach in their place.  I should find some garlic seed and get it planted, but…

Saturday evening my dad was awakened by a strong wind that sounded like a train.  He said he didn’t really know what to do, there were no sirens going off, so he just stayed in bed.  The wind rattled the house for about 45 seconds before moving on, but wasn’t until a deputy came knocking on his door that he realized the extent of what had happened. He called me the next morning and asked if we were ok.  Only having had a heavy rain at our place, I said “Yea we’re fine,” wondering why he had such a strong concern. We went over a few hours later, and the…

Back in July, I saw a rectangle of light, in the shape of a doorway, when Brad and I were praying one evening.  As I looked at it, I got this sense of the Lord asking me if we were really ready for the new. He was impressing upon my heart that it’s really up to us to step into the new and that He’s been waiting for us to be ready.  This whole time of transition over the past couple of years, I’ve been waiting on the Lord to push us into that new thing.  Turns out, He was waiting on us to jump. So that evening, Brad and…

At dinner last night Winnie ended up with two forks.  She exclaimed excitedly, “Now I have two forks to eat with!” and proceeded to double fist mashed potatoes for a few minutes. I sat there mesmerized thinking about how any adult who ended up with two forks would place one to the side and continue to eat with one fork, like any “normal” person should.  But Winnie saw opportunity where we see silliness. It made me think, how often does God give us opportunities to be creative for His Kingdom and we dismiss them because they’re too weird, wild, or big? How often to we stick to the safe life…

We spent the weekend at Lake Erie with some of our friends and their kids.  It was wonderful and boisterous and loud and chaotic, all the things any good trip with kids should be. There was a moment when the kids were asleep and we were chatting around the fire that I felt prompted to quietly pray.  I did for a few moments and then joined back in the conversation, but deep down wished that I could continue praying. The next morning I took some quiet time by myself and as I was pondering the night before I heard the Lord speak, “Your fear of missing out on me has…