Backs and Babies

I just started putting the baby on my back. I celebrate this milestone that allows me to bend over again.

A baby on the back reminds me of the first summer here in this spacious place, carting Sol around while we learned to tend animals.

It’s hard to believe we’ve cared for two babies in this place now, but not harder than believing I have four children. Others have shared a similar sentiment and the surprise over how my life has turned out is often written in the fine lines of a friend’s face. I don’t blame them, this wild, free, chaotic life is not something I could have imagined.

Today I saw a picture from when we only had one son. A time when we thought we would only have one son, that we were a one and done kind of people like my parents and grandparents before me. Generational only-childness.

I think back to some of my happiest childhood memories spent with my best friend and her siblings. I loved her house, it was loud and full of life. My house was quiet, dull, and often lonely.

I should have known this is the course I would subconsciously crave.

Naturally, as I’m talking about a loud life the baby woke up and as I went in to do my signature bounce/sway back to sleep I felt extremely privileged to hold this entire body in my hands and care for her with the depth of my love. I don’t often feel this way, especially about a waking child at night.

Lately I’ve been having these amazing experiences with God. There’s been these moments of clarity in which I’ve felt more in tuned with His will and Spirit than ever before and it’s incredible. Then the feelings go away for a couple of weeks and I worry I’ll never feel them again. It feels so good that I never want that communion to cease. I want to greedily hold onto it forever and ever, and then I remember that is what Heaven will be and I relax a little. I am so grateful that we get to touch His kingdom here on earth.

I have such a hard time ending these posts because I don’t have a point or a clear line of thought. It’s a rambling bunch of thoughts that come to me as I’m typing. I do pray that God lead me before every one of these posts and, while I don’t think every word is divinely inspired, I can feel his gentle presence with me as I write. I pray that others feel pushed outside of the “normal” realm of worship and prayer, and are inspired by how wide and deep God’s kingdom is. These writings are extremely cathartic to me and give me great joy.

What are the things that give you a feeling of great joy deep within your chest? Dive in.

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