Give me a break
I saw a quote shared on Facebook the other day that said something along the lines of Moms need a break. God knows this and has never taken even a tiny break from us. That’s not the exact quote but the implication is there.
It struck me as odd because it’s a strange comparison. The comparison between moms needing a break and the fact that God knows that but has never taken a break from us just doesn’t work as a metaphor. But whatever, I’m not here for that.
I’ve been pondering whether breaks from our children are a necessary part of life. I think the answer lies, as much of life does, in the paradox.
Of course we cannot be with our kids 24/7 a day with no breaks. That would make for crazy people, both you and your kids. However, we also don’t need the amount of breaks that I see those on social media taking.
Brad and I just got away for the first time in 8 years, and we still had a baby with us. I think we’ve probably been away without our kids for a total of 3 times in the last 15 years (and I’m calculating generously, I can only actually remember 2).
By American standards we should be wiped out, exhausted, hating life. Ugh, how could we possible go another day without getting away from these kids. Amiright?
I would say we’re doing pretty well.
The other side of the coin is that we both came home saying that we would like to do that more often. We have felt refreshed and energized to be with our kids in a way that only a small break can provide.
It’s only been the past couple of years that it’s been much harder to find the time to connect at home. We used to be able to do that much easier when there were fewer of them and they were all young (big kids don’t like to go sleep at 7:30 lol).
Perhaps the problem lies in our priorities. Are we filling our lives with so many other things that the capacity for our children is waning? Are we falling prey to cultural standards that tell us we need to be engaged with our kids all the time and providing lots of activities for them to be successful? That will wear you out quickly.
Your kids don’t need organized STEM activities and sports practices, they need parents who feel stable most of the time. Maybe it’s just me, but I know I feel stable and at my best when life has white space.
I love the story in Matthew 14 where Jesus tried to withdraw to a solitary place but found that the whole town had followed him into the middle of nowhere. Instead of getting angry and telling the crowds that He just needed some peace and quiet, the bible says He had compassion on them and healed their sick. If that wasn’t enough, when the disciples tried to send the people home for dinner, Jesus performed one of the greatest miracles of his ministry: he fed them all (5,000 of them!) from a measly 5 loaves and 2 fish.
Jesus had a choice. To hoard his rest or live from a place of eternal water. He chose to believe He had enough to be compassionate toward those that came.
It seems that when I try my hardest to get a quiet moment, my kids bug me the most. Unfortunately I often do not respond with compassion like Jesus did, but instead with an attitude of selfishness that makes them feel like a burden. It wasn’t wrong of me to seek out the rest, in fact that is good and important, but it is wrong of me to get all bothered by it.
The time for rest will come, but how do I have compassion on them in that moment? By praying for their booboos, listening to the story of what they just built, or ordering them the things they need on Amazon. I show compassion by being with them.
When I can find it in my heart to give instead of being selfish with my time I usually end up getting that rest anyways. It just doesn’t always look like I think it should.
Maybe my ultimate question is, am I living life in a way that gives me the bandwidth to enjoy our family without breaks?
Take the breaks, but don’t need the breaks. The paradox.
