Not with haste

Tension comes when you want two conflicting things. Two things, being pulled in opposite directions, create tension.

By the middle of summer I desire the quiet of winter, but I also want to live in the moment and enjoy the warm weather. In the winter I get tired of the quiet and want summer so we can go outside without layers and boots and hats.

I’m experiencing a lot of tension in my life. I want to be fun and play with my kids, but I also want the house to be clean and the laundry done. I want to write my novel, but I also want to take a nap during my afternoon downtime (sometimes with a side of scrolling). I want to stay up and hang out with Brad but I also want (need) more sleep. I want to enjoy my snuggly baby but I also wish he was older and in an easier stage.

The truth is, tension is only there because of my dissatisfaction with the right now. I know that these are the good ol days. I know that because I know that years past had their share of stress and turmoil, but I also remember fondly those days when my now big kids were little.

It feels like so much of my life is in tension right now. Big kid needs//little kid needs; ministry needs//family needs; my needs//everyone else’s needs. All these things are often pulling in opposite directions.

The only response I can come up with is sitting with Jesus more than I sit in the tension.

This morning I saw something that read: instead of rushing through your tasks, try to be relaxed in them instead. As someone who has always liked to be efficient in everything I do, I can get caught up moving so fast that I get overwhelmed when something interrupts (which is often haha). So today as I peeled potatoes, I remembered to just rest in that task. As I waited for the car to thaw so I could get groceries, I just sat and relaxed. I’m relaxing now as I sit in my room writing and nursing a snoozing baby. This is where I am. I don’t have to be anywhere else, and if I do get interrupted, it’s ok. I can move into that next thing from a place of rest instead of haste.

Honestly, I don’t know if I can or will keep this up. But today it’s been a good reminder that not every task needs to rushed. My body feels a little less pent up and my mind has been clearer, and for that I’m grateful.