A long/short time
I recently found a picture in my memories of little Theo eating a Frosty at Wendy’s. What stood out to me most were not his little blond curls and chubby cheeks, but the old school design on the frosty cup and 90’s style Wendy’s in the background. I sent it to Theo knowing he would get a kick out of how different Wendy’s looks today, both the logo and the restaurants.
Theo responded with an “I’m so old!!”, to which I just grinned.
Then another day a photo of both of my grandfathers having a chat at my dad’s 60th birthday came up. It’s one of my favorites, taken just a month or so before Theo was born, and a couple of months before Grandpa Wayne passed away. I started to think about how much has changed since that picture was taken.
Both of them have passed on, along with my grandmothers. I’ve lost other family members, and we’ve all certainly aged some. I’ve birthed 7 kids and we’ve moved twice. Basically, a lot of life has happened in the past 15 years.
It got me thinking about all times you hear about how short 18 years with your child at home is. And yes, in the grand scheme of a nice long life, it is a short time. But it’s also a long time. A lot happens in those years. People pass on, friends come and go, you might move or change careers. But your kids are there with you through it all.
That ‘enjoy every minute because you only get 18 years’ stuff has always kind of stressed me out. I think it’s easy for the enemy to keep us constantly worried that either we’re messing up or missing out.
I’m always worried that my daily mishaps (anger flare ups, misspoken words, etc.) are going to affect them forever. And while I don’t take lightly my influence on their life, I HAVE to trust Jesus and believe He can make up for my messes.
On the other hand, I also worry about missing it all.
“We didn’t do enough in summer and another one is gone.”
“We need to take advantage of every pumpkin patch and apple orchard this fall or have really even lived it?”
“I need to take them to the zoo, science center, and park regularly or else they will not have the full childhood experience.”
And while I like to do fun stuff with my kids, the stress of lurking FOMO makes me a grumpy mom. It’s ok if we miss out sometimes. There are a lot of years to make memories together.
If I live in the present, with my 15 year old all the way down to my 5 month old, I can appreciate all the moments God has given me, AND trust that He will redeem my not so hot moments.
Today I wanted to mentally check out. This is orientation week at The Company and for three days on a row I have need to be present duties there. While I always have admin stuff to do, these commitments divide my time in a way that always messes up our routines. I found myself on the verge of stressing earlier because I know my kids wanted my attention but I also wanted to zone out and check out on social media (just being real). Then I felt guilty about even having those feelings.
I remembered that I can’t ruin them because there’s a week or two every year I’m a little less involved than normal . That’s silliness. Instead they get to see a mom who not only brings them along to help with these fun things, but also they get to see me show love to others and enjoy the ministry we have.
Sure, their routine is messed up, but that doesn’t means they’re messed up.
Yes, it feels like Theo was just a little tyke like Hal is now . But also? It doesn’t. It was a long time ago and lots of companies have updated and changed their logos since he was born (just not cracker barrel, ok?).
Just because it feels like it goes quickly doesn’t mean it’s also not a significant amount of time. And who knows how long he will live with us before he marries and moves out. And I hope even after that I will still get to love on his the way only a mother can. So I will enjoy these long years, but also I will remember that kids are pretty resilient and our God is bigger than my mess and stress.
