Looking back

I’ve all too often found myself idolizing past seasons.

I don’t really mean to, but it’s so easy to remember what life looked like 5 or even 2 years ago and want to replicate the results. It’s easy to remember only the good of a season and to want to feel that again.

When I was a new mom so much of what I could see was what I no longer could do. I missed the season of freedom that Brad and I had after we were married.

When I had a couple of kids I mourned that I could no longer take them all on a bike ride to get ice cream or that my free time disappeared a little more with each addition.

With 5 kids I missed the ease with which we used to be able to go on outings. Everything required so much more thought and preparation.

Now that I have 7 kids I miss the season in which I could convince all of my kids that doing the same thing together is fun. The older ones want to stay home instead of going to the park, and movie night with the older boys is inappropriate for the younger ones. It has been more of a divide and conquer sort of season for Brad and I and while it’s amazing to get to do big kids stuff now, I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss the years in which we did things all together.

The problem is that when I idolize the past I keep myself from appreciating and enjoying the present. If I’m only holding grief of what I no longer have I struggle to appreciate all that I do carry.

Past idolization causes present amnesia.

Sometimes I like to turn this around on its head and remember that someday this will be the time period I miss. It helps me to have a different perspective on the long days with little breaks and know that the time is waning that I will have all my children under one roof. As folks like to say, these really are the good ol’ days.

Jesus talks about this in Luke 9 when he tells the person who wanted to go back and say goodbye before following Him, that no one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the Kingdom.

This is a pretty harsh truth from Jesus. Looking back not only keeps us from appreciation of the present day, it also keeps us ineffectual for the Kingdom.

If I can’t see the new that God is currently doing I will always reminisce about how much better my previous encounters with Him were. In Isaiah 43, the Lord speaking through the prophet Isaiah says “Behold, I am doing a new thing!”. God is always surprising us by how He shows up and I sure don’t want to miss it because I’m more comfortable with familiarity.

I’ve left a lot behind to follow Jesus. I can’t want those discarded things more than I want to be in the renewing presence of God.