Eating hate

Earlier this week our beagle decided to tear up and eat a portion of carpet in our basement. We didn’t realize this had happened until we had endured a couple of vomit sessions and then discovered a massive amount of fibers she coughed up.

I spent much of that day cleaning up vomit, and then the runs, as she tried to work this carpet out of her system. Thankfully she passed it all easily and I’m happy to say that she is feeling great and probably ready to eat some more carpet. I kid (I hope).

I had been looking forward to resting and writing as my little ones (minus Oz) were at their grandparents that day. One thing I was surely not planning on was cleaning the carpet multiple times and then combing the house to make sure I got all of the, ahem, spots before they were stepped in.

I’m sorry to admit that I said many unkind things about the dog once I realized it was her own bad choices that caused this. Birdie often adds a lot of headache into my life, and while I feel bad that she was probably never meant to be a city dog, I also just need her to chill out and stop trying to run away.

I rarely spout off the hate that I was spouting off toward her. I’ve generally learned my lesson about how much words matter, but I forgot that it also applies to dogs. In the midst of my anger I knew I needed to simmer down, but also really wanted some sort of justification for the situation I was dealing with.

That evening my stomach was off and as I was praying about it I heard the Lord tell me that I “ate a lot of hate today”.

Oof. Yep, I sure had.

Jesus addresses this in Mark 7 verse 14 and 15, “Again Jesus called the crowd to him and said, “Listen to me, everyone, and understand this. Nothing outside a person can defile them by going into them. Rather, it is what comes out of a person that defiles them.”

My heart was exposed the other day, and it showed the frustration and anger that I feel toward my dog’s shenanigans.

The last few years the Lord has given me a gift of feeling when I am “defiled”. If I get angry or stressed or too worried my body feels it pretty quickly. It’s like an internal radar and reminder from the Lord to simmer down. It’s a sign that I’m most likely taking life too seriously and letting some of that yuck that hasn’t yet been fully redeemed out.

I think one of the most sobering verses of the Bible is Matthew 12:36, “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak”.

How often have I spouted out of anger instead of keeping quiet? I think we believe if we say something out loud we will have “vented” and will then feel better. But tell me, do you ever actually feel better after venting?

Maybe momentarily the answer is yes, but in the long run I sure don’t. I usually feel sick, sadder, or angrier than I did before. If I choose to keep quiet and move on and the Lord provides me with the peace I need (not always immediately, but eventually it comes). Even if I’m still thinking these negative things, there’s something that changes once I decide to speak them out loud.

I apologized to the boys for my anger toward the dog. That wasn’t the way to teach them to deal with conflict and it definitely didn’t create a Kingdom atmosphere in our home.

The further along I get in this journey with Jesus, the more careful I have become with what I say. Not because of religion and rule following, but because I have learned just how much it really affects the world around me.